The Internet, Masks, Necessary Evils, and Personal Truth

In other words, A Convoluted Mess – Part I

Does how we conduct ourselves on the internet transcend how we do in the outside world?

I have been studying etymology in the hopes to extend my vocabulary. Heck, at least it’ll make me sound smarter, if nothing else (but I hope it is something else). And in truth, I have achieved my first goal (to eliminate “like” from my vocabulary of filler words; now I must extricate all of the fillers with simple silent pauses). But in acting intelligent, does one become intelligent? Or is it all a fabrication – a mask over the mind? Someone once told me “People don’t change, they just get really good at faking it.” However, if one fakes long enough…if a man fakes monster for long enough, does he become that monster? Are our fabrications and realities eutectic to each other?

If you act like an asshole, and continue to for a time, sooner or later, you will become that asshole. I’m sure there is a catchy adage in existence that I’m missing here, but oh well.

I just hope I am not sacrificing bits of personality in a quest to better myself. I am proud of being able to articulate more accurately what I am thinking or feeling, but I worry that I may come off as sounding a little like a pedant (basically: a prick. “One who shows off their knowledge,” as I am doing right now). And apparently my epiphany in the last year and a half when this quest was still incipient that I had come to refuse to be ignorant and limited has not rung true to many of my friends…so I will say it again.

I refuse to be unable to articulate what I mean and feel, and I will do whatever it takes to become the person I want to become.

If that involves studying vocabulary for the rest of my life, so be it, at least I’ll be knowledgeable; hell, I love it anyway. And I am becoming this person, donning this Mask and calling it my own. But it is not a Mask, it never was, and I want my online face to match my real one. Though my disposition here is one much more irascible than around campus, one could easily tell that this is my venue for releasing my frustrations with the world (please see title of Weblog) and hopefully answering a few questions while raising a few more.

But I digress:

If all the world is a stage, then the internet is simply extending that stage; it elongates into the Orchestra and invites audience guests by the dozen at every dance number (which is every second). But the scenery and spectacle have become much more deceptive. The fourth wall is broken, along with the fifth and sixth, and the Masks are still present. They stick and graft to our faces, filling in every nook, every niche, form-fitting in every trait.
And as the line between truth and fiction blurs, the liars become prophets and the sincere are ostracized without question.

I use this metaphor because good people, who conduct themselves courteously, have been harassed on the Net. And assholes (pardon me), who conduct themselves as much worse, are praised for it. Then there are those people who would become lost in the Internet. AIM Junkies, Compulsive Away Message Checkers, Bloggers (heh, go figure); people that become so absorbed in the World Wide Web that they are no longer a physical person. They have donned the robes of another being, a digital entity.
In my own defense, though I am technically a Blogger, I have an AIM account, and I certainly check away messages, everything that one can do can be done in moderation. But my point lies in the attrition of our tangible selves.

Do our original selves become desiccated, vapid from the attrition they suffer with every blow we deal to save face even when that face wasn’t ours? This brings me to the core of my ire in this rant. It is the people that would completely and utterly deceive others over the internet to take whatever they please from whoever they wish who get my blood boiling. These people, no matter how you put it, are evil. But, as much as I hate to admit it, they could be necessary in their own right. Without the insincere, real sincerity would lose its power.

Without Lies, there would be no Truth.
For one to exist, the other must also exist.
So if our Masks exist, our hiding place, our sanctuary, then we have more of an admirable reason to embrace life, embrace ourselves, and discard our masks forever. But it isn’t that simple. It can’t be that simple. Why?
People. Because the vast diversity of people, there is dissention among certain people, and some of those people are, for lack of a better word, nutso. Masks today are not so much an act of power than an act of protection. With a Mask, no one can find you. Some can come close, but we always keep those most valuable details hidden; and for good reason. Too many tragic events have occurred due to a false sense of security on the internet. Too many deaths, too many rapes, and too many mistaken identities.

It is strange how the use of text and code can influence some of the worst and best behaviors in people. It is also scary. None of us are impavid and none are impervious to the affronts we receive on the World Wide Web. I suppose the art, if there was one, would lie with the balance between Armor and Attitude. Armor – Masks – to protect yourself from those that mean you harm. Attitude to choose when to be yourself and when to play a role, because both will be necessary.

So instead, the way we conduct ourselves on the internet reveals only a shadow of our real self. I say shadow because so much about us cannot be described with justice by words, so only an echo of our personalities and attitudes are expressed (albeit more and more articulately thanks to upgraded forums and weblogs) through the webspace. But it is certainly a part of us. Unless you have no life, each Mask we wear has been extracted from a part of us; made from our own flesh and blood. In this generation, we hold organic masks, ever-changing and molding, ripped from our flesh – our imaginations – our very souls, to rest beside us and come to arms when we need to hide, when we need to fight, and when we need to stand tall against the invidious flood on the horizon.

There is a point to this. I just haven’t reached it yet.

Over and Out,
Adam